"Look into my eyes..."

Can you remember that saying from cartoon characters of times past?  It was usually uttered by a vampire or villain who was trying to put his victim into a trance, simply by having them look into his eyes.  It was usually followed by the victim succumbing to the villain’s commands, and then committing something dastardly that they wouldn’t have done if they hadn’t looked into the villain’s eyes and fallen into his trance.  Watching the cartoons as a kid, I often yelled out loud at times like those knowing what would happen, “No, don’t look into his eyes!”

Have you ever looked into someone’s eyes for an extended period of time it total silence?  Perhaps you have gazed into the eyes of your new born baby, your kids, spouse or a loved one who was dying?  Did it elicit loving feelings and wonder or did it make you feel uncomfortable and awkward?  When you are in a conversation with someone, do you find your eyes looking away from them when you speak?  I do that at times.  I also notice that some people look up when they speak, especially after I have asked them a question.  

I have been told that this phenomenon is caused by insecurities and feelings of inferiority within people.  I have also heard that when people look away from you when they speak, especially when they are answering your question, they are not always telling you the truth.  It seems by looking up or away, people are seeking some kind of insulation or momentary distancing from whom they are speaking to.  I caught myself immediately looking up one time, as I answered with a lie to a question from my boss.  

This morning I stared into Lucy’s big brown eyes (my two year old Golden Retriever), for an extended period of time.  In doing so, I saw that physically, dog’s eyes are different than humans.  Their pupils aren’t as pronounced as humans and their irises take up most of the eye, not leaving very much white around the edges.  When I looked into her eyes, I instantly felt a deep love and total devotion coming from her eyes.  It was as if her eyes were saying, “I love you Dad with all that I am and if I could, I’d crawl up on your lap right now. "  She didn’t have a problem with her eyes moving up or sideways when our eyes locked onto each other.   She just sat there, about 12” away from my face staring into my eyes..…and then she licked my face.

I think people don’t look each other in the eyes often enough.  I think people are too busy talking, thinking about what they will say next or they’re just too rushed to stop for a second and look others in the eyes.  It’s hard to focus on anything else while you are looking someone in the eyes.  Try it, but let me warn you, it might make you feel awkward and uncomfortable after just a few seconds.

In a devotional I read this weekend about healing our feelings of inferiority, the author stated that the only accurate assessment of our worth comes from looking into the eyes of the One who loved us enough to die in our place.  That would be Jesus Christ.  I thought long and hard about that.  If I were staring Jesus Christ in the eyes, how would I feel?  He would already know instantly what I had done in the past and what I was thinking.  Wow, I honestly think it would make me feel a little, well…uncomfortable.  I don’t like that in me. 

We will all stare Jesus in the eyes one day, and as I face him for the first time ever and we lock onto each other’s eyes, I want it to feel better than staring into Lucy’s eyes.  I want to feel his forgiveness, his grace, his kindness and enough love coming from those eyes to show me that I was well worth dying for.  I bet it will be just like that, immeasurably so; and I bet it will be one of the last tears I shed from my eyes when I feel that love.

Have a wonderful week, and join me as I press on… fighting for the hearts of others!

What have you been dreaming about lately?

I woke up this morning from a dream I was having.  It was a dream that made me feel frustrated, unprepared and nervous.  I dreamt that I had been drafted into the Marines and was commanded to prepare for a several day long march and I didn’t know what to take with me.  We were leaving shortly and the seasoned soldiers around me were ready to go, packs on their backs full of what they were going to need, and they weren’t being very helpful in providing me with some assistance.I felt lost and anxious, suspected that I was most likely going to mess this all up being unprepared, and as a result probably suffer for it…both verbally and physically.  I realized in my dream that I was not prepared for this march, and really had no idea of what to do.  My final memory of this dream was that all the other soldiers were taller than me, by maybe two feet.  I felt like a shrimp around these guys!  Good thing I woke up and it was just a nightmare, but I couldn’t help but think, “Where the heck did that come from?"

As I sat drinking coffee with my wife this morning and told her of my dream, she reminded me that I have that dream often, but it usually takes the form of me playing on a football team and that I am late in getting suited up for the game.  Everyone else is already in their uniforms stretching out on the field and I am still in the locker room trying to get my equipment and uniform on.  In that dream, I am frustrated not understanding how to wear some of the equipment, and know that I am going to upset the coach, the team and be embarrassed over lagging behind and arriving onto the field long after kickoff. 

I find that a lot of my “dreaming time” happens towards the end of my sleep; I’d guess within the last couple hours.  I don’t think I dream every night, but usually can remember the dreams pretty vividly right after I wake up.  My dreams can sometimes have a tendency to set my mood for the mornings as well.  I awake from the dream feeling discouraged, depressed or anxious and that can linger from just a few minutes to even longer into other times throughout the day. 

What about you?  Do you dream?  Are your dreams repetitive in nature?  Do you dream that you can fly?  I used to dream that a lot, but I was able to fly by using a swimming motion as I faced into a strong headwind.  How about dreaming about breathing underwater?  Do you dream of flying an airplane all by yourself with no instructions?  I do once in a while.  How about being held captive by a terrorist along with others?  I did once, boy was that scary!  Whatever you dream about, do you ever wonder what your dreams mean?  Is your subconscious mind trying to process something you are struggling with during your waking hours?  I wish I had a dream interpreter as a friend, one that I could trust with these dreams, so that I could learn what the heck they all mean. 

I remember Christmas shopping with my son a few years ago as he looked for a book at the bookstore for his future wife.  He ended up buying her a book about interpreting dreams.  As we glanced through the various dream books, reading about common dreams people have, he said, “I used to dream that one all the time”.  It was a dream about all his teeth falling out of his mouth.  I’ve had that dream too.  The book interpreted that dream, and for what it was worth, it seemed pretty interesting.  But is the interpretation trustworthy?  It’s hard to put a lot of trust in those books. 

In the Bible, Daniel not only had visions or dreams but he could also interpret dreams as well.  Interpreting the King’s dream actually saved his life and got him out of prison.  He was honest, trustworthy and could tell the dreamer what their dreams meant and the significance of them.  The bible also says in Proverbs that young men will have visions and the old will have dreams.  I guess that means that I qualify as being old now, right? 

I don’t think I have been given the gift of interpreting dreams; at least not like Daniel.  Can anyone interpret dreams out there?  Are you trustworthy and honest?  If so, what do you think my dreams mean?  I invite you to comment on the website if you have an opinion, but please be nice and don’t wound my heart. 

I think dreaming is good for all of us, even the ones that upset us.  I believe dreams are our subconscious minds trying to file significant events that have occurred recently in our lives or thoughts we have been having, into the database of our minds.  It is a challenge to discern the true meaning of dreams.  It would be nice to have a friend like Daniel in my life…at least it might help me understand what all of this means.  As we approach the lazy days of summer (will the good weather ever get here and stay?), with longer days and shorter nights, for what it’s worth I hope you have pleasant dreams!

What are your gifts, and are you using them?

Everyone has been given gifts.  I’m not talking about boxes wrapped in pretty paper with ribbons around them.  I mean gifts as a contributing member of the human race.  Each person on the planet was created with gifts within them that are waiting to be utilized for the benefit of others.  Let me give you some examples.  Kobe Bryant of the Los Angeles Lakers has a gift; can you guess what it is?  How about Brett Favre of the Minnesota Vikings?  Having a unique ability that allows you to perform a specific purpose well is what I call a gift.  Have you ever thought about what your gifts are?  If you don’t know what they are, then how can you focus on using them?If you would like to discover what your gifts are there is a simple way to do that.  First, consider what you love to do.  Think back at times in your life when you have caught yourself really enjoying whatever you were doing.  It felt like play to you.  You found yourself thriving while you were doing it, and you just couldn’t seem to get enough of it.  While performing this function, you really felt as if you were designed to do this… made to do it.  If you can define what it is you are doing in overall terms, you may have discovered one of your unique gifts.  For some, it might be singing, others it might be teaching, or coaching or working with numbers.  You name it; you might possess a gift in this area.

What benefit is there to using your gifts?  For some, there is financial benefit, even into the millions of dollars per week.  Our culture rewards certain gifts very handsomely.  Movie and rock stars, super athletes, war heroes, and even sometimes politicians, all of them receive a very handsome reward of fame, fortune and privilege from exercising their gifts.  Others who have unique gifts and exercise them to perfection are not rewarded at all by our culture, and just the opposite, live a life of servitude, poverty and obscurity.  Consider Mother Theresa’s gift of charity for example.

I believe that we all have gifts and that mankind can and will benefit from us exercising each of our gifts.  My son has the gift of creativity, my wife and daughter the gift of compassion, while my other daughter has the gift of persuasion.  Each can be used for the benefit of others.  I believe I have the gift of encouragement.  My brother has the gift of faith.  Each one has a gift or gifts; some similar with others, some very unique.  The question remains, what is your gift and how are you using it?  Are you using it to benefit others or are you using it to benefit just yourself.  Or perhaps you are hiding it for some reason.  The win-win circumstance is that you discover and use your gifts to benefit others while at the same time, it benefits you too.  I know that if you are truly utilizing your gift to the best of your ability, others should be benefiting and you will feel pretty good about what you are doing, most of the time.

One tragedy I see from time to time is people stifling their gifts.  They know they have them, but for some reason push them away or bury them for some reason.  Perhaps the reason is a lack of confidence, wounds in the past, or just being too busy with other things in life.  I believe that our true purpose in life centers on the gifts we have been created with, and the use of these gifts for the benefits of others.

Each and every day that I go to work, I try to exercise my gift of encouragement.  Some days it is used a lot, and less at other times.  But the important thing is that I am aware of my gift, want to use as best I can and look for opportunities to express it.  I have read in books and heard from wise people in all walks of life, that if you do what you love to do, you will be really good at it.  Instead of asking what the world needs most, search yourself and find your gifts, then go and exercise those gifts to the best of your ability, because what the world needs most is people doing what they were created to do, and are really good at it.

I want to encourage you to think about what you love to do, what gift you might possess and then press into applying it in some fashion.  You might just find a unique ability to do something that others would enjoy, benefit from and appreciate.  That might even make you feel pretty good…pretty, pretty good about yourself…something we all need from time to time as we walk through this life…fighting for the hearts of others.

Letters from the Heart - Marriage

Spring is in the air.  Hyacinth, daffodils, and tulips are all blooming with amazing colors and fragrances…and yes the grass is greening up in my yard and seems to be growing faster this spring than in years past.  With the spring flowers and warmer weather also comes romance.  Couples seem to pair up more rapidly after the long cold winter, holding hands as they take walks amidst the cherry blossoms in the drier weather.  This is also the time when recently engaged “brides to be” are busy planning their wedding.

We have a staff member in our office whose daughter is getting married in 10 days.  We have known this young bride for many years.  She has been one of our daughter’s good friends since they were little girls.  It is very gratifying to see young people find their soul mates and agree to step up into the marriage covenant.  For a while now I have heard statistics that some of the young people today are seriously considering not doing the marriage "thing" at all.  They are seeing and experiencing more evidence of marriage not working well in our society and are simply opting out, living together as if they were legally married.

This last month I have taken several calls from men and women who are struggling in their marriages.  Some are separated, some are in mediation, some are filing for divorce and others are simply “hanging in there” hoping that their troubles will be resolved.  These types of calls seem to affect me more emotionally than others.  Listening to the callers’ stories, my heart hurts from their pain and the wounds they are suffering with.  I am assisting one young woman, a recently divorced single mother of one child, providing financing for the purchase of her new home.  She is excited to be moving out of her apartment, but frankly, I think her excitement is a little bittersweet.  I think she would rather be moving back home, getting back together with her ex-husband and the father of her child.  I hear it in her voice as we talk, and it makes me so sad for her.

Last September I “gave away” my oldest daughter as the father of the bride, to her soul mate and my new son-in-law.  The wedding was in a vineyard, the day was sunny, in the mid 70’s and the father of the bride couldn’t hold back his tears.  As I first laid eyes on her that day in her satin white dress, my mind raced down the last 23 years of memory lane, recalling her awkward little girl days, amazed at how fast she had grown into this beautiful young woman now standing next to me.  As we walked down the aisle to the music, she beamed light of joy from her face and yes, I cried as I prayed for God to bless this union.

Marriage...it can create some of the deepest joys a human could ever experience on earth, and it can also create the deepest wounds a heart is ever asked to endure in life.  In my opinion, it’s worth the risk.  My bride and I celebrated the 38th anniversary of our first date on April 24th.  It was Easter Sunday and as the family gathered together, including our daughter and wonderful new son-in-law, we not only celebrated Christ’s resurrection, but marriage itself.

I pray for new couples brave enough to make the commitment to get married, and I pray for those who, for whatever reason, suffer from divorce.  It gives me the peace I need as I see couples everywhere enjoying romance in this new season of fresh spring weather.  May 1st is May Day; so give someone you love a bouquet of flowers…just because.  It’s a good thing to celebrate spring.  Have a blessed month.

Letters from the Heart - Father's Day

Today, the eve of Father’s Day weekend, I am taking a few moments to reflect on what it means to be a father. I am a father, have been since 1983, and I am hoping to be a grandfather sometime in the future.One of our team members at work just celebrated the birth of his first child a few weeks ago, a son he named Conner. Some of us went to the hospital the next day to congratulate the new, proud parents and I even got to hold the little guy for a while. So small, so delicate, so fragile, yet so perfect. What a rush of emotions went through my mind as I held that little boy. It took me back many years to the moment I held my son in my arms for the very first time. He was just a few seconds old, and try as I may right now, I simply can’t begin to put into words what that experience felt like for me…to become a father. I have been reading a book that has recently come out, written by Dennis Rainey, president of the non-profit ministry FamilyLife, called “Stepping Up – A Call to Courageous Manhood”. In the book he calls and encourages today’s men to re-engage with their children, spouses and families, stepping into acts of courage, something that seems to have been waning over time. He walks the reader through the stages of manhood from a little boy to a patriarch, giving examples of what courage in a father looks like today. I found myself being affirmed and encouraged by this book, wanting to do more in the area of demonstrating courage as a father. Raising a son and two daughters with my wife has often times called me to be courageous. Teaching my young son that it can be a noble thing to drop your fists and walk away from a fight, while at different times when things matters most like keeping a marriage intact, we must hang in there, fighting with all of our heart. With my daughters, courage meant showing them that a father’s love sometimes means invading their personal lives to rescue them from harmful relationships, (much to their chagrin), but it has also meant enduring their giggles and laughter at my allowing them to paint my fingernails and toenails from time to time.   At the end of his book, Dennis Rainey reflects that being courageous as a father will mean offering up one’s life as a sacrifice for his family. He quotes Elizabeth Elliott in the last chapter writing, “A man’s willingness to offer up his life for his wife or for anyone else who happens to need him is not the end of everything. It is only the end of himself. He, who is fully a man, has relinquished his right to himself.” A close friend of mine lost his dad suddenly, last weekend. The funeral is tomorrow. His dad was in his 80’s. I can recall countless discussions and the laughter that my friend and I shared about the relationship he had with his dad. As an observer, I’d say the relationship between that father and son was a very, very good one. When I called him this week to check in, my friend said, “Dave, I had no unfinished business with my dad.” That struck me deeply, and I believe him. His dad finished well; he raised four great sons and a daughter. I can only hope that when the time comes for me to pass that my kids and their friends can say the same thing about me…we have no unfinished business with our dad. Take a moment to honor your dad this weekend, in thought or deed. Thank him for the courage that he demonstrated in your life, whether large or small, and if you have unfinished business with him, muster the courage to finish it, before it is too late. Have a blessed Father’s Day weekend.

"It's the most wonderful time of the year" ... really, Andy?

The title of a song written by Edward Pola and George Wyle on October 14, 1963 and romantically introduced to the world by Andy Williams in his now famous The Andy Williams Christmas Album.  This song speaks of “kids jingle belling and everyone telling you be of good cheer”.  “It’s the hap-happiest season of all, with holiday greetings, parties for hosting, friends coming to call, and caroling out in the snow”.  “Hearts will be glowing”, and “much mistltoeing” are the images Andy Williams croons to his listeners as he creates a euphoric fantasy that seems to be more about, well … days gone by. This is a song that brings very strong, pleasurable feelings every time I hear it.  It’s one of my favorite Christmas songs of all time.  As I listen to the words, I find myself wishing it were actually true in our world today.  Frankly, having just celebrated Christmas a week ago, I need to say that those 48 hours or so weren’t the “hap-happiest season of all” for me.  At times, yes, I was happy and joyful, but there were also moments of just normalcy, along with some stress, high anxiety, and a little discouragement thrown in for good measure.

B U S Y-ness seems to take its toll this time of year, surgically removing a lot of my sense of contentment and happiness.  Traffic, buying with even more buying, long checkout lines, dwindling checking accounts, multiple get togethers with family and doing our best to “be of good cheer” when all we really want to do is be left alone for just a little while, take a nap and gain some kind of sense about what the season is really all about.

I sometimes wonder what my holiday season would be like herding cattle out on the ranch where all I have is time, aloneness, the beauty of the wide open range and the companionship of my loyal dog and horse.  Simple blessings like the warmth of a good fire, a sleeping bag that will keep me warm and dry even when it’s covered with three inches of fresh, powdery snow.  Quietness.  Time to think.  Time to ponder.  Time to appreciate simple things in life like the twinkling of a clear starry night, and the brightness of a full moon.

This certainly defines what the shepherds may have experienced when the host of angels came to proclaim the birth of a Baby in Bethlehem, named Jesus to them.  That’s another song we all know, “Angels We Have Heard on High” (and for that matter a future letter from my heart).

Although at times I enjoy steeping in the daydream of longing to be left alone, if I linger too long I eventually find myself…planning “parties for hosting”, with everyone telling me “be of good cheer”, eventually longing for others, and being surrounded by family.

So what is this vicious cycle all about?  As with years past I have come to understand, that first and foremost this season isn’t just about me.  And it helps if I can reach a point of contentment wherever I am at the time, whether in times of plenty or times of scarcity, with family or being alone.

Finding contentment in where you are at the moment, isn’t easy.  It takes discipline and focus.  It is best accomplished when we are in a giving mode instead of focused on a getting mode. Contentment brings freedom and it’s worth the effort it takes to reach it.

Honestly, if you are content no matter your circumstances, it is indeed…”the most wonderful time of any year”.  I hope you found contentment during the last few days of 2014.  If it has been elusive, keep up your focus in 2015, eventually you will be rewarded and no matter where you are, or whatever you are doing you will find the peace that takes the place of anxiety, which is so common in these times of the year.  Wishing you my very best for the coming New Year.

Whose money is it anyway?

I like to give when asked, and encourage others to do the same, because I have experienced the true joy that comes with giving. In most needy circumstances, I have a tender heart and give when asked, even if it is only a small amount that I can give.

I do it with a cheerful heart, most of the time, but there are times that I have caught myself being reluctant to give. These are times where the person asking for money is standing at an intersection or in the grocery store parking lot with a sign stating that they are homeless. In those circumstances, I have a voice in my heart that says, “It’s a scam, don’t give them anything.” Up until recently, I have listened to that voice and rarely given to that cause.

The other day I was having a discussion with someone about giving cheerfully, regardless of the cause. I felt the Holy Spirit gave me a “parable” to explain things to this person, in the best light. I’ll share it with you now.

Imagine you are walking down the road, shoulder to shoulder with Father God. To make it clear, Father God has a body just like you…arms, legs, head, feet, etc. The only difference is that Father God just doesn’t have any hands at the ends of his arms. You two are walking along the sidewalk, talking, laughing, and simply doing life together. It is a great friendship you have, and you are enjoying his presence immensely.

As you turn a corner you come upon a person begging for money. You notice them, but say nothing. Then Father God looks over at you and asks, “Would you do me a favor and reach into my jeans pocket and get a $100 dollar bill out and hand it to this person? I would do it, but as you can see, I don’t have any hands.” “Of course”, you respond, as you reach into his pocket and hand the bill to the person asking for help.

Most people would respond the same way, regardless if it were Father God or just a friend with no hands. It’s their choice, it’s their money, and you want to oblige by assisting due to your friends disability. It’s no skin off your back, right?

I believe that story came to me, through the Holy Spirit, for edification purposes in my conversation about giving, with that friend. I also believe God used that parable to enlighten and convict me about my reluctance to give in some circumstances due to it “being a scam”.

Now, as I imagine that exact circumstance again, only this time while driving my car, with Father God in the passenger seat. When I come upon a person at an intersection holding up a sign. I hear, “Hey Dave, would you please reach into my pocket and give this person a $20 bill? I would do it myself, but as you can see, I have no hands to do it myself.”

Am I going to say “NO, it’s a scam” this time? Of course not. You see, whatever money I have IS God’s money. It’s all His, every single penny. I am simply a steward of His money. I am His hands in those circumstances. If He wants to give the person money, and he is asking me to do the giving, how can I possibly say No? The reason why he wants to give isn’t important. He wants to give, and whose money is it anyway?

I’ve had a change of heart about intersections and parking lot encounters. Yesterday, I withdrew cash from my bank account in $10’s and $20’s, placed it in an envelope, and dropped it in my car door side pocket. Now I am prepared to act when I hear His familiar small voice…”Hey Dave, would you reach into my pocket…” Yes Lord, willingly and cheerfully!

In Luke chapter 10, verse 30-37, Jesus tells the parable of the Good Samaritan. He does this in answer to a question asked him by “an expert in religious law”. That expert asked, “And, who is my neighbor?” At the end of the parable, Jesus asked the same question of the expert, “Which one of these three people (in my parable) would you say was a neighbor to the man who was attacked by bandits?” The expert answered, “The one who showed him mercy.” Jesus’ response was simply, “Yes. Go and do the same.”

I am hoping that we are all able to understand that showing mercy to those less fortunate is loving our neighbor…regardless if it’s a scam or not. With love and kindness, I continue in my walk with Father God…fighting for the hearts of others.